Slenderman's Drug Addiction
by LadyTwat
Summary: Sometimes poor ol' Slendy just needs to find a fast way to relax from the cavemen known as Creepypastas.
1. The Addiction

**A gift inspired by one of my Tumblr fans.**

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"Remember boys, double check that no one trespasses onto my forest or takes my pages. It is vital you complete your duty above a satisfactory standard, understand?" Slender asked, sitting behind his desk.

Toby, Masky and Hoodie saluted him. "We won't let you down, master." Masky said and led the group out of Slender's office. Masky grabbed the door knob but banged his head against the wood by pushing instead of pulling. Toby and Hoodie laughed at his mistake and Masky fled the scene.

Slender waited for a while, making sure they had left. He chuckled, took out a key, and unlocked a cabinet door. "Fools." His finger traced over his small selection of drugs, and took out some LSD. Even though he nearly ran out of his highs, that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy himself! Being in charge of wild drunk gorillas was a tiring job. He opened his mouth and chugged down three tablets.

He waited for an hour for the results to kick in. The room was rocking back and forth and swirling, he leaned back and let out a giggle. The door to his office opened and Barney the Dinosaur smiled at him. "Hello, friend!"

Slender gave a limp wave, sinking further into his chair. Barney's head kept growing in size and twisting. "How are you, friend?" Barney's voice sounded like a high-pitched robot.

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnne. Tehee, woohoo." Slender could hear the dubstep wubs in the background, and lights surround the room. Behind Barney, Brad Pitt was having a seizure and Nicholas Cage was hitting him with a bat. "Hey, you're one crazy purple guy, know where I can get more, heh, treats?" Slender's tongue rolled out.

Barney smiled lovingly, and spoke to with such smoothness to rival Bob Ross. "You can steal some prescription drugs from a pharmacy."

"Mmm, but I ain't got a face."

"Then take some from a human."

"Yeeeeeaaahhhh." Slender watched Hatsune Miku try to deep throat her leek down Cage.

Barney turned around. "Goodbye, friend." With that space aliens abducted Barney with a green beam. Slender watched the fight between Cage and Miku- this was going to be some long hours.

Once his daily drug trip had ended, he went downstairs to mingle with the apes and cavemen known as Creepypastas. Jeff and Ben were thrusting their hips to a Vine song, the Jacks were arguing who the one true Jack was while both held bottles of Jack. Jane was rocking in the corner planning her revenge on Jeff accompanied by rubbing her hands together and twiddling her non-existent moustache. Clockwork was screaming with such a noise that could bring a fortress down.

The two nudists, Rake and Bob, were the only normal ones, minding their own business. These idiots wouldn't disturb him in his office- but his proxies might. Slender picked up the phone and dialled Masky's personal mobile device. "Hello, you've reached man-whore services, we squeeze and suck."

Slender paused. "… Masky? Hoodie- Toby?"

There was silence on the other end, he could hear a faint, panicked scream. "U-uh, hiya, master! What can we do for you?"

"I need you to stay out of my office for tonight because…um, I've got… you presents in there and it would be tragedy if you found out."

"Okay, master! We'll stay out of your office. Masky out!"

Slender smirked to himself as he sat the phone down. "Perfect. Those ass fiddles will never catch onto my drug raid." Slender laughed, walking upstairs to his office. "And enough time for me to wank off."

After having fun with his tentacles, Slender stood at the outline of the forest. He watched several humans enter and leave the drug store, but none were the right human. He had to wait for his drug senses to tingle. Aside from the waiting, he was extra happy this night, thanks to treating himself to a small dose of cocaine. Sweet, sweet, sugary cocaine. His attention was caught from a lovely lady leaving the store- target acquired.

Slender sprang into action, following her from the safety of the trees. All she had to do was cross the road. She did. He shot out his tentacles around her body and mouth, dragging her into the darkness. Slender dived for the white bag, searching its contents- a small container labelled Anafranil. Slender shrugged and looked down at the woman. He surrounded her mind with static, making her nose bleed before she passed out. He dumped her on the street and teleported to his office.

Slender chuckled and chugged down some tablets. There was a knock on his door, and Slender shoved the container in the cabinet and sat down. "C-come in." He was worried when his brothers burst through the door.

"Surprise!" Splendorman squealed. Slender had a bad feeling. Trender sat down, then Offender with his legs wide open and Splendor sat in the middle. "How have you been, Slendy?!"

"F-fine, what about you?" Slender regretted saying that because Splendor broke into a story about his day. Slender sighed, listening to Splendy blabber on about his day. Slender yawned and instantly got rock hard- he felt ready to climax.

What.

Slender inhaled deeply, biting his lip, trying to hold it in. Offender had a massive smirk. Slender dug his fingers into his thighs as he became overwhelmed with an earth-shaking orgasm. Splendor trailed off when Slender rocked back and forth screaming, "OH FUCK YES!" Slender fell out of his chair, his legs trembled and there was a huge stain on his trousers. He let out a giant, wall-breaking moan.

His brothers stared at him in shock, their mouths hung open.

Trender frowned and said the cursed words. "We need to talk."


	2. The Road To Recovery

Slenderman stood with his head hung low while Trender glared at him with his arms crossed. "I am very disappointed in you, Slendy." Splendor was speechless, his mind still trying to wrap around what he had witnessed. Offender was trying his best not to burst out laughing. Trender continued, "I expected so much more from you."

Offender smirked. "I expected a lot from you too, Trendy, but you don't hear me complaining."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?!"

"Well, when someone is nicknamed 'Lord Buttfuck' I can't take them seriously."

Trender gripped his head and let out a parrot-like screech. "Don't you see? He's addicted! We have to help him!"

Offender shrugged. "Being addicted isn't so bad- look at me. Sex and cigarettes and I'm never better!" He lit up a cigarette and took a long drag.

Finally Splendor piped up. "Maybe we could get him a hobby?"

"Yeah, maybe he could go to Weight Watchers, the lazy fatty. Put down the cocaine and pick up some weights."

Trender huffed and tapped his foot against the floor. He sighed and picked up an ornamental chicken. Offender gasped. "Dude, put that thing away! You can't handle your monster cock in front of us! God, there are _children_ here!" He pointed at Splendor

Trender rolled his eyes. "First order of business, getting rid of them drugs."

Slender gasped. "You'll never take me alive!" Slender launched his tentacles and jammed all the ecstasy, LSD, cocaine, and Viagra in his mouth before Splendor and Trender could stop him. Both dragged Slender out while he screamed and thrashed his legs. He watched Barney the Dinosaur appear again and dry hump Offender with monkeys wanking on the ceiling.

Hours later in the forest, Slender had finally turned sober. But not before Trender scanned the forest. "Let's start with running, which frees the soul of all the trash you've been putting in your system." He pointed at the Rake standing against a tree. "Anger Rake- he has a short temper." Slender sighed and nodded, making is way up to the Rake.

Rake glared at him. "What do you and your spermy brothers want?"

Slender paused, his mind went blank. "Would you, Rake, like to bash butts with me?" Slender asked in a husky breath.

Rake's face screwed up. "What?! No way!" He took a step back. Slender heard one of his brothers yawn. Yawning was contagious. Slender then yawned and felt his throbbing erection return.

Oh no.

He tried to fight it back, but the nudist in front of him was too much. "I must show you… Slenderman Junior."

"Who…?"

Slenderman reached for the zipper and Junior sprung free from his prison.

Rake let out a high-pitched scream, covering his eyes and running the other direction. "Oh mother of god!"

Slender's brothers appeared a moment later, when Slender turned around, Splendor's guts flew out of his mouth and Trender collapsed. Slender had to seal Junior away, he became a little shy in front of his brothers. Offender just grinned and waited for the two dick-riders to collect themselves. "I know- do you like cats and donkeys, Slendy?"

Slender fiddled his fingers. "I guess."

"Great! Let's find some pussy and asses!"

Slender finally snapped, he lifted up Offender like he was sacrificing him to the gods and threw him off a cliff and into a river below, screaming into the air. Slender dusted his hands. "Our problems are now gone." Slender walked away, his body cleansed of his drugs, and now ready for Hatsune Miku. Trender sighed and took a path down the cliff to rescue Offender on a stretcher.

Splendor stood, unsure of what to do. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some of Slendy's powdery sugar, he couldn't understand how anyone could be so hooked. He decided to taste some.

What's the worst that could happen?


End file.
